All I Can Do...

Let all that I am wait quietly before God,
for my hope is in him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress where I will not be shaken.
My victory and honour come from God alone.
He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.
O my people, trust in him at all times.
Pour out your heart to him,
for God is our refuge. Psalm 62:5-8 NLT

For as long as I can remember I have been passionate about telling people the Gospel. I remember in primary school one of my friends made our RE teacher cry and leave the school, never to return. I stood up for her that day in the classroom, challenging my friend and making it clear that I supported hearing about Jesus over her. As a 10 year old I made a stand for my teacher and I made a stand for Jesus.

My drive to see Him known to everyone around hasn’t made life easy, that’s for sure - I am desperately unsatisfied seeing people live lives apart from Him and I mourn very deeply for them in their brokenness. I have been through a season in my life where my concern for people caused so much anxiety that I took medication to calm it down.

Thankfully Jesus has graciously met me in each of these periods of intense emotion and He is slowly giving me the tools so I wont be consumed by my passions, but rather pour them out to Him…

Pour Out My Heart

Let all that I am
Wait here before You
Words aren't enough
For me to adore You
My rock, my salvation
My fortress unshaken
Your vict'ry and honour
In me You awaken
My refuge, my rock
I'm safe from what's broken
I carry inside
The words You have spoken

I pour out my heart
I pour out my heart
All I can do
Is give back to You
All that is in my heart

God's Gracious Hand and the Leaders He Sends

"17 And I gave them a command for Iddo the chief man at the place Casiphia, and I told them what they should say to Iddo and his brethren[c] the Nethinim at the place Casiphia—that they should bring us servants for the house of our God. 18 Then, by the good hand of our God upon us, they brought us a man of understanding, of the sons of Mahli the son of Levi, the son of Israel, namely Sherebiah, with his sons and brothers, eighteen men; 19 and Hashabiah, and with him Jeshaiah of the sons of Merari, his brothers and their sons, twenty men; 20 also of the Nethinim, whom David and the leaders had appointed for the service of the Levites, two hundred and twenty Nethinim. All of them were designated by name." Ezra 8:17-20

This passage really struck me today. My regular dialogue with God includes a lot of questions about what I should and could do next to see His Kingdom grow and impact this nation of Australia. Every now and again I ask those at church if there's something else they feel God's calling them to in this regards. I have to admit I don't often just ask God to send more people to fill the gaps that are around me. I'm not sure why that is. Maybe deep down I worry that if I don't feel like I can cover the people who are already here serving God, then how can any more people be looked after. But in this passage, it's the ones who do the covering, namely the leaders, that are sent.

The key phrase in this passage that struck me was "By the good hand of God upon us, they brought us..." followed by the sending of 220 people from the Levitical line! I can't even comprehend what it would look like for 220 leaders to join our church simultaneously! God's hand continues to be good and continues to be upon us, so I'm choosing now to ask Him to bring those leaders. Thank you in advance God!

The Lord keeps His promises

As the time of King David’s death approached, he gave this charge to his son Solomon: “I am going where everyone on earth must someday go. Take courage and be a man. Observe the requirements of the lord your God, and follow all his ways. Keep the decrees, commands, regulations, and laws written in the Law of Moses so that you will be successful in all you do and wherever you go. If you do this, then the Lord will keep the promise he made to me. He told me, ‘If your descendants live as they should and follow me faithfully with all their heart and soul, one of them will always sit on the throne of Israel.’ 1 Kings 2:1-4 NLT

This morning I almost cried in a coffee shop. I was reading 1 Kings 2:1-4 where David is on his deathbed sharing his final words with his son Solomon. What struck me was the declaration of God’s sovereignty that David clung to in his last moments. I have heard so many promises declared over the past years and many of them I believe were straight from the heart of God. I haven’t seen some of them come to pass but as time moves along they do so more and more. David knew, at the end of his life, that God is faithful. I know this too.

When God tips your world upside down, watch for the coins that fall from your pockets

Thirteen years ago now, I lived on a missions ship that was sailing around South East Asia. Each member of the crew had a full-time job that kept the ship running smoothly - I cleaned the bathrooms and washed everyone’s clothes. Unfortunately our department kept encountering a problem that would drive people crazy. We kept losing their socks. Now you may laugh, and I may join you, but to some of those crew members this was serious business. There were regular visits to the laundry by frustrated people demanding that we return their socks. How hard could it be for us to accomplish the simple task of washing, drying and returning their clothes? How incompetent were we? Very, obviously.

Now, don’t get me wrong. We took the complaints seriously and made every effort to keep track of every item, searching high and low. We analysed and re-analysed every system, tweaked and refined our processes, trained and retrained our staff, informed and educated our users...but at the end of the day we kept losing socks. Still to this day I have no idea where they ended up. But in the process I discovered a truth that would change my attitude towards life’s frustrations.

See, I wrestled with God about this conundrum. I kept saying to Him, “Jesus, it would be very easy for You to solve this problem and put a stop to all the frustrations and negative exchanges that occur because of it - show us the socks!” But He did not. Instead He transformed my frustrations into a deep sense of empathy and comradery with all those involved and we saw the lighter side once more.

This past year of life has been my toughest so far. Developing an anxiety/depressive disorder has shaken every part of my world and taken me to the extremes of human emotions. All along I have wrestled with God. “You could very easily solve what’s going on and the pain can stop.” But He did not. Instead those extreme emotions resounded inside of me and resonated with those around me.

And I realised that God is comfortable with emotions. He’s comfortable with His emotions and He’s comfortable with ours. In fact they are like treasured possessions that bleed from us. Psalms 56:8 mentions God collecting our tears in a bottle. I’m sure I have filled a warehouse over the past year. But there was a point when the pain stopped. The anxiety stopped. The depression stopped. And a strange sense came over me that not one emotion had been wasted. The warehouse was full and nothing would go unaccounted for.