Just Grace

I had a strong sense of justice growing up. I used to fire up whenever I saw someone being bullied by kids at school. I wrestled the school bully to the ground when I was 10 years old. The teachers used to sit me next to the naughty boys because I shut them up in class.

There were teachers who also bullied kids in highschool and I sought justice for them as well. Once I brought a tape recorder into class and captured an entire shaming session from a teacher towards a child. I got in a lot of trouble for that.

There have been seasons in my life where my sense of justice has broken me. The problems began as I developed a stronger sense of grace as well. Justice and grace don't actually mix very well. When you feel deeply for the victim and deeply for the perpetrator at the same time, there's no resolution. No outlet for justice. Just pain.

I am so thankful that I've realised over the years that rectifying full justice is not my role in people's lives. And in fact, showing complete grace is not either. There is only One who knows how to carry out both fully and simultaneously. Only One. I'm learning more and more how to leave it up to Him.

What I can do is listen. I will listen to pain and I will feel it as deeply as I can before it breaks me. I can't promise that I will bring justice and I can't promise that I will understand. What I can promise is that there is Someone who can and will.

Advocacy

I remember when I first really understood advocacy. Maybe you remember when chip packets used to come with tokens in them called "Tazos" that were collected to play a game similar to marbles. You faced off with a partner, flicking your Tazo to knock theirs out of the ring. Winner collected the Tazo.

One day my friend saw that I'd consumed a packet of chips and asked where the Tazo had gone from inside. When she realised I'd thrown it out she was furious and yelled at me for not passing it to her. She felt I didn't care about our friendship because I should have known she would want to collect it. In that moment she ended our friendship. There was nothing I could say to convince her otherwise.

Shocked, I prayed about the situation. I told God I knew her change of heart would need to come from Him because I had given it my best shot. Well, we're still friends today, 24 years later, so something changed in her heart and she realised I could be trusted again.

It seems such a trivial situation now but the same concept has been repeated over and over in different forms ever since. I have always found that when I cannot explain situations myself, God can be trusted to step in and "advocate". Not always straight away, but eventually.

For the past 20 years I've been surrounded by a vast mix of different cultures, ages, and backgrounds in the people I've worked alongside. All carrying their own trigger-points in what makes them feel hurt or betrayed. For the life of me I cannot remember once wanting to harm someone and yet it happens...alot. Thankfully the Holy Spirit usually explains the situation to them much better than I can.

I don't know how I could navigate this life without the Holy Spirit constantly highlighting truth around me and in me. I can imagine that would have been a very miserable existance, especially when I think back to all the things I've been accused of 🤦‍♀️ These experiences have definitely given me a greater desire to believe the best motives in others. Sometimes I'm probably wrong and people really are doing things to purposely hurt me but I choose to believe those cases are few and far between!

When the Advocate comes, whom I will send to you from the Father—the Spirit of truth who goes out from the Father—he will testify about me. And you also must testify, for you have been with me from the beginning.
John 15:26‭-‬27 NIV

Broken Empath

Earlier I posted about a young man who regularly "tags" the bridge near our house. I saw him out and about again the other day and then saw this newly painted message - "broken empath." It struck me because I've been thinking a lot about how important it is to be able to walk in people's shoes, so to speak. To feel what they're going through and seek to understand why they do what they do. To be empathic.

But what happens when our ability to do this is broken? Maybe we've felt people's pain or brokenness so deeply that it's pushed us to our limits and we cannot go to that place anymore.

I don't have any clean and tidy answers to that question. I am constantly encountering brokenness in others but whenever I'm tempted to feel more together I'm reminded of my latest or greatest faults and the empathy flows in bucket loads.

I've been in that place of being a "broken empath" as well. It was a dark place, where all I could think of was survival and holding back from hurting myself or others. When everyone around feels like an enemy or indifferent, it's difficult to know up from down. Thankfully the one Constant in my life was exactly that and He gently showed me the diamonds in the rough until I could trust again.

We all have our strengths and blaring weaknesses but if we're going to do anything together with others in this world we need to know those diamonds are worth all the cuts and bruises it takes to find them.