Entitled?

"Can you find him a tissue?" Ken said. Josh's nose was dripping and I hurriedly excused myself past rows of church members and outside to the bathroom. As I walked back inside, people were staring at me oddly while I made my way back to my seat. Glancing around I noticed a sign in the usher's hands "Please refrain from taking your seats until after worship has finished".

Grrrr. Once again I'd inadvertantly broken a social rule and reinforced that mindset that westerners feel they can do what they want. We think we are entitled.

This has been a constant battle in my head. I want to live here humbly and respectfully with a teachable spirit. I don't want to act entitled and I don't want to be rude. At the same time I'm juggling 4 little kids with needs of their own. Everyday I weigh up their experience of transition with my own desire to live simply.

"Mummy, I want to go home. It's too hot. The Filipino kids are laughing at me. I don't like the food. What if a volcano erupts or a typhoon hits? How come it takes so long to get to the shops?" This is why I wanted to come here - I want them to grow in understanding of other people's struggles and be grateful for what they have in Australia.

But where is the line between stretching and breaking? Is it justified to let them watch tv, play computer games and eat takeaway, to ease the strain a little. Inside my heart cries out for the kids down the street who have none of that and can't just 'take a break' from the stress when it gets too much.

But my kids are privileged kids and no matter how embarrassed that seems to make me feel here, when I pretend they are not, no-one wins. So I will do my best to help them experience everyday life in Manila. I will try to help them understand that Jimmy is no different to them even though he can't come and play because he's working to support his family. I will try to help them understand, as I try to understand myself.